The kind word is the filling word.
That right there is the meat of this whole post, so in theory, you really don’t have to read on to get to the moment where I spill some type of truth or lesson.
However..
I am going to unpack what this means to me, and I think it might just resonate with you too.
I am enneagram number 3.
For those who don’t know what an enneagram is… it’s a model that encompasses all the types of personalities that exist. There are so many quizzes out there that you can take to figure out what number you are. Go look it up (after you read this blog post though).
Being enneagram number 3 means that I am driven and I really like achieving things. I am innately competitive and it is what gets me going every. single. day.
Let me say it again for those in the back. I AM VERY COMPETITIVE.
And sometimes it’s my worst enemy. Who else in here is a 3?
I mean every little stinking thing turns into a competition in my eyes. This is a really good thing as it has pushed me to be better, but it also has made me lose clarity of something really important.
At the end of the day, everyone just wants to feel loved and important.
When I get in that ultra-competitive mindset it’s hard to remember that NOT EVERYTHING IS A DANG COMPETITION.
Consciously and unconsciously I have caught myself in situations where I am not speaking of people in the best light. Why? Because (1) it’s easy to fall into gossip and trash talking and (2) for some reason we think that talking badly about others makes us look like a better person (here’s where the competitiveness comes in).
Friends, it’s so easy to not talk nicely about others, and I promise it will only leave you feeling temporarily satisfied after “spilling the tea.”
Trust me, it’s been a work in progress.
I have found myself in so many situations not really knowing what to say so I just result in spilling the most recent “tea” I have heard. Have you been there too?
I have found myself comparing myself to other beautiful and talented girls, which leads me to feeling insecure and saying some not-so- nice things about them. Have you been there too?
I don’t know why we think that talking bad about others or spreading gossip will make us feel better about ourselves.
All I’m sayin’ is that the kind word is the filling word.
The next time something unloving is about to come out of your mouth, opt out and choose filling words.
Oh, and here’s the secret. When you talk nicely about someone behind their back it not only fills them up, but it also fills you up
I am not kidding. Talking highly about others makes you feel good.
I have vivid memories of me wanting to say mean things about someone behind their back because I felt incompetent when compared to them (that’s the #3 in me) and instead I chose to say something good about this person. AND IT FELT REALLY GOOD.
You might be smirking when reading this, and it’s okay because I am too. It sounds so very elementary: be loving towards people. That’s all they really desire at the end of the day. Everyone just wants to be loved and included.
So, back to how I said talking highly about others makes you feel good. There’s another incentive in it for you: it makes you look like a more beautiful and confident person.
There. I said it.
I mean think about it. If you were to go to coffee with a friend and all they did was talk about others in a mean way what type of light would you see them in? Or what if you went to get coffee with a friend and the whole time they were singing other people’s praises?
Now picture yourself as THAT friend. Do you like you as the friend who talks nasty about other girls or guys? Or do you like you as the friend who is loving and speaks nicely about other people?
I like me as that friend who is loving and speaks nicely about other people.
I like choosing the kind word. It IS the filling word. It fills others up, and it also fills me up.
