Have you ever felt like the world was against you and nothing can seem to go right? YOU are not alone and your frustration is valid. Big or small, everyone goes through trying times in life where they question if they can make it another day. I am here to tell you, you can. Now, I am not saying it is easy, or I have all the answers, but over the last few months I have learned a lot about how to pause, be okay with not having answers and try to see the positive in each day. The last year has been a whirlwind. From finding out I had hypothyroidism an autoimmune condition, to landing my dream job working in the NICU, and then ending up having to have double knee surgery- there’s been a lot of ups and downs.
First, I want to tell you what I have learned on the tough days. Do not let anyone tell you “it’s not that bad” or make you feel your emotions are not valid. Life is hard and no one lives your life except you. It is okay to be mad, to cry, to want to give up. When something tough happens it is easy to be afraid of your emotions and to feel they are too big. When I first found out I had fractured my kneecap and had a stress fracture in the other I was angry. I was mad at myself, at my body and at God. I felt like I had done everything right and still things were going wrong. I pushed these emotions down and pretended I was fine. I pretended I understood and told people what they wanted to hear, “oh it’s all part of the plan” and “I’m okay I’ll get through it” even though I did not believe a word of it. We all think that by saying we are fine it will make us feel fine and not burden others. In reality, nothing got better until I began to accept the big emotions I was feeling and turned to others to help me process them. The more I pretended to be fine, the further I pushed myself away from my friends and family. I want you all to know that you are human and humans have emotions. When things get tough and the world feels against you, feel these emotions and share them with others. When I began to let others in and let them help me, I finally began to heal. No, I am not saying that by sharing my pain and struggles they went away but through sharing myself I was able to feel the love of all those around me and lean on them on the tough days. Even when it is scary and you feel as if you are too much, I urge you to embrace what you are feeling and to connect with others through those feelings.
Second, I want to help you change your perspective. When bad things just seem to keep happening to you or those around you, I want to push you to look for the positives. Now this was something that made me very mad at first. I was supposed to be enjoying my senior year at school, going to football tailgates and nursing school clinicals, not at home on the couch recovering my two knee surgeries. It felt like the end of the world and the last thing I wanted to hear about was how other people had it so much worse and how much I would learn and grow from this trying time. Looking back, I wish I would have spent more time reflecting and less time sulking. My vision was clouded by my despair and I was not able to appreciate the time with my family, the many friends who came to visit and check in on me and the many other silver linings to it all. Perspective is one of the hardest things to have in trying times but one of the most beneficial things to learn. My sisters pushed me to step back and look at the situation from a different angle and truly helped me to start appreciating the small achievements and to see how much I was loved. They taught me to take things one day at a time, to be thankful for every person who drove me to class or helped me up the stairs. They helped me see that in my inability to be active I was blessed with more time to rest and to enjoy the company of others. When things are tough and you are struggling to see the positives, start with something small. Your perspective will not change overnight, mine definitely did not. By beginning to look for little lights each day instead of only seeing the darkness and what you are missing or what is going wrong you will slowly feel better and better.
Third, I want to give you hope. Even when unexpected things happen, you are still on the right path and it will become a beautiful part of your story. In times of trial it often feels like the end is nowhere in sight. I know in the last few months I often have felt things will never go “back to normal” and get easier. I promise you, things will get better! They may not go back to your old normal but you will become stronger and more resilient and you will learn this new normal whatever it is. I do not know what each of you is struggling with at this time, but I do know whatever it is, it is hard and your feelings around it are valid. Do not lose hope or give up. You are stronger than you know and braver than you feel. The tough days will come to an end and until then remember how loved you are and to lean on others. I am currently 3 months out from my second knee surgery, and still some days when the pain comes back I think of everything I missed, and I get down all over again. In these times I reflect and I try to remember how far I have come and how much I have learned. Have hope. Hope for better times and have faith in your strength.
To the person who is feeling like nothing is going right. To the person who feels the world is against them. To the person who feels like they cannot make it another day. I may not have all the answers but I have been there and I promise you, this too will pass. Feel what you need to feel and feel it with others. Lean on those around you and use their strength to push forward. Times will get tough and life will always have its ups and downs but by learning to have perspective and look for the positives these tough times will get easier to get through.
Love,
Grace
@demboski_grace
