The other day my family was going around and saying one thing we love about each other, as well as one thing we think each individual can work on.
My sister said that I need to work on letting go of grudges.
How fitting. People asked me to write about how to regain trust, but how can I do that when one of my biggest downfalls is not being able to forgive easily?
You see, you must forgive in order to trust again.
Like I clearly stated, I am not one who is quick to forgive.
But I’d like to share how I’ve learned to take steps towards regaining trust with those I have lost it with.
1. God won’t heal the wounds on your heart unless you forgive the person who put them there.
For those in the back who didn’t hear… I am not quick to forgive. And because of that, it is imperative that I lean on someone bigger than me.
The thing is that we have a really good God. A God that wants to see you happy, a God that wants to heal your heart, a God that wants you to choose him.
In order for God to heal that hurt, he wants you to make the first steps. That is, simply asking him to heal your heart. Also, taking measures to forgive this person who hurt you. Taking measures to forgive this person doesn’t have to be flat out forgiving and forgetting. It’s as simple as asking God to give you the strength to forgive this person… or maybe even the strength to forgive yourself.
My aunt Jody gave me the analogy of a full glass of water. Imagine the water filled to the top. This water is all the hurt in your life. Pour some more water (or hurt) in and it starts to spill out. The more water (or hurt) you put into this glass the less room there is for anything else to come in. God can’t come into your life and heal those wounds that hurt so badly when you keep holding onto those grudges. Simply ask him to give you the strength to forgive, and He will make room for His love to come in. DID YOU HEAR THAT? FRIEND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK! Also, the truth is that sometimes the person who hurt you isn’t going to care about the pain as much as you do. The only other person who knows your heart and how to heal it is God.
2. Communicate with the person you lost trust with.
Friend, if you think that shutting the person out is going to help you regain trust, you’re sadly mistaken. You’re only hardening your heart more by not talking about how the trust was broken.
Let’s get down to the HOW.
Talk about it. Not over text. In person, if possible. Go into this conversation level headed. Do not go in angry trying to point a finger. It takes two to tango.
Speak in a way that doesn’t bring the other person down. I know they hurt you. I know you feel angry. I know you feel sad. Hold your ground, tell him or her how you feel. Give this person an opportunity to speak. Listen and try to understand.
Being combative and argumentative in this conversation is only going to make the situation at hand at worst, trust me, I’ve been there.
Nobody wants to be in the wrong. If you point the finger the less likely he or she will own up to his or her mistakes. Think about it.
Speak with your heart. A heart that loves and forgives. Be patient and get it all out there. Do not hold back.
3. Communicate again
You thought there would be one conversation and everything would go back to normal?
I mean, all power to ya if so! But sometimes, when trust is broken, you’re going to need to talk and check-in more than once.
4. Forgiveness within
I said earlier that it takes two to tango. I know that in some situations it’s just one person who breaks trust. But use this time to consider where you have gone wrong, and realize that you are human. Humans make mistakes. Learning to forgive yourself will take you to new heights.
If you aren’t graceful with yourself how do you expect anyone else to be graceful to you?
Do these 4 things, and gaining trust back becomes a whole lot easier. I’m in this race with you friend.
